Jul 20, 2017

Hey media and zealots, instead of fake Caitlyn, try highlighting true trans bravery

(True trans bravery is the lady in the above photo)

Regardless of your social or religious opinion; "Civil Rights Uniformity Act" is discrimination couched with language like "subjective self identification." It is also dismissive of medical and psychological studies .

While radical activists have a made a mess with too many umbrellas and definitions (the LGBT alphabet keeps growing), so have conservatives who cannot differentiate between the LG and the T.

Whether bisexuals like this or not, they do focus more on a sexual choice and it is a preference. Cross dressing is also sexual and a fetish. Drag queens dress up temporarily as a form of expression.

The rest of us are just people loving and living our life, sometimes still challenging society's stereotypes. For LG and T sex isn't the focus nor is it part time choice. Just like heterosexuals, some LGT love, some lust, some a combination of both. Intimacy is a part of any loving relationship.

Rep. Pete Olson  who is behind this misleading legislation needs to title it accurately as well as educate himself and his ignorant ilk.

Both Republicans and Democrats need to oppose any such effort that makes life dangerous, financial survival hard, and makes it okay to scapegoat the trans community because some politicians and some ignorant people and all religious zealots need some group to distract from real issues.

I do not like the word transexual as it focuses inaccurately and solely on the physical. Nor do I like the word transgender because it has been corrupted within the "lgbtq" community by including crossdressers and various others. I don't even like the word trans but those are the limitations of language and have to use some word. Same with homosexual or gay. These are medical and/or psychological labels.

And by trans, I do not mean Caitlyn Jenner, who needs to stop being seen as a spokesperson or representative or a transwoman by media or the LGBTQ community. I refer to her as Caitlyn, only out of respect for real trans women. Caitlyn is  a narcissistic, attention seeking fool.

It's time someone told Caitlyn the cold truth because she hurts the legitimacy and struggle of real trans men and women. That is what gives credence to bills like this and zealots and bigots thinking  trans  = subjective self identification.

Loads of money and quick access to surgery is not an option or easy or what defines the journey of a trans man or woman.

This post will piss people off and respectful discussion is fine. But I won't engage trolls.

As someone proud and out since the 80s, as someone who bothered to talk to LGT from the 50s, 60s, and 70s and study and live the history upto the present;  worked for LGBT press and organizations, as someone who has taken  risk to be open  and also identify as Republican and Catholic  and successfully educate and change minds in these communities by being respectful, patient and not reducing myself to a label, I don't care what anyone else thinks.

 If it is just a fit you want to throw because you don't like what I wrote, move along.

I am a private person and certainly never hidden the fact and transitioned openly in this town. I am happy to live and be accepted as who I am, John,  and have it be my choice who I share my journey with; it is my life.

It is frustrating to have to focus on this one part of my identity because I have not done that, ever.  Yet again , today,  I had to "come out" because in 2017, being trans is still an issue.

Bills like HB 2796 make it necessary for me to speak up because not everyone lives in New York or California.


  1. As a mother of a trans son who is finishing up high school this year I worry as he looks toward going to colleges out of state. We are very blessed to be living in California but I do continue to stand up for those who do not. Thank you for sharing your truth.

    1. Thank you. I hope wherever he goes, he is safe and has a support system.

  2. "For LG and T sex isn't the focus nor is it part time choice"

    I don't know how true that is. I know it's a generalization, but gay men usually have hundreds of sex partners throughout their life. That seems to indicate sex really is a focus. I don't care either way, nothing wrong with a bunch of gay dudes doing their thing. However it is interesting the incredible number of sex partners.

    1. There are gay men who are promiscuous, there are just as many straight men who are ppromiscuous, there are just as many people who are promiscuous. Sex is no more a focus for gay men than it is for any other person. It is a generalization. If it was not for society's rules and straight men or women keeping their dalliances secret and marriage not being questioned for straight people, we could have a dialogue with true and better statistics. Having covered the gay community, observed the gay community nationwide and internationally, lived in urban areas where there are large number of openly gay men, I think your generalization or opinion could be based on many other factors and the gay men you know. Thanks for a honest response.

      Your observation is a valid one and more apt for the 60s, 70s, maybe 80s and gay men do need to take some responsibility for that image and opinion.

    2. Gay is not "having sex with another man". Gay is falling in love with another man. Think of it that way, maybe.

  3. I met my first gay person when I was 17 & the year was 1959. I'd grown up in a small town where nothing happened . We became friends & he accepted my ignorance & questions because it allowed him to talk about himself, not in defense, but in explanation which did not have to apologise. This was in Reno before I started college, I went back to CA, later dropped out & moving to SF. He had moved to LA because he needed to work. We wrote each other, lost touch, found each other, all the time talking writing against the background of him knowing he wanted more.
    Even then homosexuality was considered a mental illness. He said (& later science agreed) gays are neurotic because they have to live in a straight society & can't be true to themselves. I saw the lives of 'other thans' as he called them (& the term wasn't limited to sexual differences) through his eyes. When he dressed as a man people assumed he was a lesbian dressing as a man. In drag, he was just another almost ugly woman who was a hard worker.
    He wanted to have the change, the operation, knew someone going through it. We were living together in LA at the time, an easier place for him & easier for me to get waitress jobs. Not great, but some good times. He found out the pre-change friend had died. Police said suicide. He said the police swept the crime under the rug showing all their bigotry, hypocrisy and fear.
    He became frightened. We moved back to SF, I got a previous job back, things were ok. Then he got into speed. He'd been drinking & was told it was a way to dry out. There were doctors who believed in the treatment, wrote legal Rx. People got hooked. Then did everything addicts do, used people & lied about almost everything. Stories that don't need to be told. He moved in with someone else, I got my own place. When you can't help someone, really can't because they tell you there is nothing except to keep living the life they now had. So I went my way, stayed in touch through friends. He wanted it that way. It would always be an unhealed wound. For both of us.
    Then I learned of his death; supposedly an accidental overdose.
    But now, he was gone & the wound was mine.
    Our relationship had never been physical, we'd both had other lovers. But I would never, could never love anyone else the way I loved him. There was a freedom of something not being 'gender specific'. You see the person, you know the person and the soul.
    I knew what had hurt him & I supported those things (and people) against that kind of hurt. I knew he'd joke about it being a losing battle and other things. I wasn't trying to keep the memory alive, it was already part of who I was. We didn't have that long.
    I am disappointed that as a society we have not progressed more except I remember how he used to explain about people being afraid & fear making them do things they couldn't justify. His sad judgment was that perhaps all that was to be done was to wait for a next generation that loved & accepted rather than feared & condemned.
    We do have this younger generations. But the people in authority however often they may got to church haven't taken the Beatitudes to heart. Elected officials pander to their support group who burden themselves with hate & fear.
    If I believed in reincarnation I'd send a mental message to David: Don't come back yet, they're still not ready.
    He was David & she was Sheila. The mind, the soul didn't change with the name.
    He taught me that & it extended to color and religion.
    Thank you John for speaking out against fear (and its by-products) & for freedom.

  4. This is a beautiful story. Thank you .