A year later, a prayer for Fr. Eric sends a message: "My God, if my tongue cannot say in every moment that I love You, I want my heart to repeat it to You as often as I draw breath."

In two days, people will gather to eat, drink, kick-off the New Year at midnight with their loved ones. So will the community at St. Bernard’s as we have every year with a vigil mass and then on New Year’s day with mass.

2014 New Year’s Day began for many of us who knew Fr. Eric in an unexpected way. This entire year, since then, others I know and loved have passed from this life. Losing Fr. Eric made international headlines yet each loss in my life was just as significant.

I am not going to talk about loss or grieving, not because it is not important but because those are not the feelings that consume me. In the last year, the focus has not been on Fr. Eric and in this post, it will be on his life, him and not on his death and why and how he went home to God.

I am looking forward to New Year’s as I did Christmas as I did Easter, as I do each year. With gratitude, with faith, with joy.

Often before mass ended, especially on Sunday, Fr. Eric would say that when we left church, he wanted us to reflect the joy we felt in our attitudes and actions so people would wonder and want to share in what we Catholics had and what made us so happy.

"May our faith be measured by our capacity for Joy in community” is a strenna Fr. Eric wrote. He also wrote, “ To be Happy be Thankful, To be Thankful, have Faith. Faith is Understanding that All is God's."

Since Jan 1, 2014, those of us that knew Fr. Eric, in the Catholic community and other communities he was a part of have had life’s challenges and losses yet you would not be able to tell unless we shared. It is our faith, Fr. Eric’s own words when he comforted many who had lost loved ones that soothe us in moments we need that comforting touch.  Especially at funerals, Fr. Eric, reminded us that each person in our life was a gift from God and that we should be grateful for the time we got to spend with them. Fr. Eric would talk about our life on earth as parentheses in the chapter of our life. This year, our current pastor, Fr. Tom picked a passage from scripture for All Souls Day,  “For those who sleep in Christ, life has not ended, it has changed.”

As Christians, we believe in eternal life.  I know and hope to see Fr. Eric again. As Catholics, we believe in the communion of saints, I can still communicate with Fr. Eric, just in a different way. God’s love, God’s hope and God’s light is ever present.

This Christmas when I heard the midnight reading from Isaiah: “The people who walked in darkness
have seen a great light; upon those who dwelt in the land of gloom, a light has shone”, it reminded me that darkness never prevails over light. Our faith, our love, our community, our memories, the legacy of our loved ones  is stronger than any act of hate, desperation.

The readings that continue into the New Year fit the theme St. Bernard’s  will chose to remember and honor God and Fr. Eric going home to God in two days: “Illuminate the Darkness with Joy.”

When I think of many people who suffer loss and tragedy alone, I feel so blessed to know I am never alone for God is always with me and that I experience his love every day through others. There are no words to adequately thank our Bishop, to thank Fr. Loren, Fr. Tom and Deacon Frank who have been our anchors in a very difficult year.  God loves us so much and we have felt that love from our former pastor Fr. Loren who came without hesitation  as a temporary administrator to help us through the first few months of this year knowing that his presence was vital for us to heal and keep moving forward ; from our current pastor Fr. Tom, who came to shepherd us and continue as a parish and to help us move through into this New Year with joy and faith, while he silently withstood the reactions of our grief, our pain and stayed strong for us; from our Deacon Frank who from the morning of Jan 1, 2014 until now put his own needs aside to be there for each and every one of us with his calm and comforting presence that soothed our broken hearts.

My faith has grown even stronger this year. I love God more each day and am even more committed to serve God. That is the thought and wish I asked for my birthday last year, which is only a couple of days after the New Year. As Fr. Eric always taught us, and as we believe in our faith, we should focus on God, above all else.

I would like to share a prayer with you which was written by St. John Vianney, the patron saint of priests. It is how I feel and it is the prayer that I found a few weeks ago, while remembering Fr. Eric.

"I love You, O my God, and my only desire is to love You until the last breath of my life.
I love You, O my infinitely lovable God, and I would rather die loving You, than live without loving You.
I love You, Lord and the only grace I ask is to love You eternally,
My God, if my tongue cannot say in every moment that I love You, I want my heart to repeat it to You as often as I draw breath.”