Apr 8, 2014

I miss Fr. Eric. The aftermath: finally I begin to grieve

Holy Week is the week preceding Easter and the final week of Lent. It will begin this year with Palm Sunday, April 13th and end on Holy Saturday, the day before Easter Sunday, April 20th.

During Holy Week, as Christians we commemorate the Passion of Christ, who died on Good Friday in reparation for the sins of mankind, and rose on Easter Sunday to give new life to those who believe in Him. The solemn sorrow of Lent and Holy week culminate in the joy of Easter with the recognition of God's goodness and the hope of salvation.

It has only been in the last week that I have begun to grieve Fr. Eric. More importantly, to acknowledge that even though I still don’t have the peace and time to mourn him, I need to deal with these emotions.

The anguish is at its peak now because Fr. Eric looked forward to Holy week, the Easter Vigil when we welcome new Catholics formally into the Church. First Communion will follow. He used to tell this story of St. Christopher so uniquely and it was one of the first compliments I gave him.

He knew that was special.  I was still trying not to like him because I did not want Fr. Loren to leave. Now Fr. Loren has been here but he is leaving and we will have a new priest. Initially, I was determined to resist getting to know Fr Tom because he isn’t Fr. Eric or Fr. Loren. But, it was my grief. Fr. Eric’s death taught me that we need to appreciate the gift of each person in our lives; we don’t always get to say goodbye. So I honor and thank each priest every day. Each priest brings their own gift.

As much as I try and be stoic, I can no longer hold back the tears that just flow in the middle of mass, as I prepare the altar and see the vestments Fr. Eric wore or walk the path I always do to go to church. Sadness overwhelms quiet moments. Sometimes I look up at the door Fr. Eric always walked through before mass, expecting him to be there, giving me that silent nod of approval as he looked at the prepared altar. Every day I counted on that unspoken gesture and every time it felt it was the first time.

I miss Fr. Eric. The ache is so devastating and it takes all my effort to get up and face certain days. Some people know yet some people have forgotten. There are times I want to yell at people saying I don’t want to be patient and understanding with you; can’t you see I am in pain?

There are things coming together in my life that I spoke to him about; I wish I could walk up to him and tell him. I still can, just not in the same way.


Yet it is not grief that rules my day but faith that shines through. The love of God; the knowledge that Fr. Eric is with Him; and the hope that one day we will meet again, in eternal life. The life and the belief that Fr. Eric gave his whole life to and that lives on in each soul he brought to Christ.

2 comments:

  1. John: Again my condolences. It was a terrible loss for all in this community. The thing I remember the most about Father Freed is his positive joyous uplifting spirit at funerals. It gave you the ability to find the bright and shining moments in what was otherwise a terrible event. I think if he would have wanted anything, that he would have wanted us to feel the same way about him and his terrible death. We need to celebrate and never forget his life, but if at all possible move beyond his death. The grieving process still continues. I wish you well.

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  2. Allan, thank you. I remember those words too but personally for me it was important to write this because I still have not been able to grieve him properly.

    We at St. Bernards celebrate his life every day. I wrote it because often people are supportive after a tragedy but they move on in a day or a few while the rest of us go through the grieving process as you said.

    You move forward. We have. But it does not mean we are not allowed to be human. It has only been 3 months.

    I see so many people coming together, coming to the church still because of Fr. Eric. His death has shone light on issues that our community needs to address and a good way we can honor him is by working on solutions to address to issues.

    We have people in our lives now that we should be making amends to or appreciating more or simply enjoying that we still have them with us.

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